It's just how it is.

   Feb 23


I have been thinking a lot about fear today. I started thinking about it because last night Cam woke up crying because he had had a bad dream. He told we that when he was sleeping a shadow came in his window and went across his wall. He told me this while trying to calm his tears and trying to relaxing and whisper so as not to wake Nate. As I listened to his story I sat waiting for the what I would call a scary part, but it never came. The shadow didn’t attack him or make the room totally dark or anything else. It just moved across his wall. He re-told the story 3 or 4 times but that was all he said. Then he decided he was tired asked for a hug and went to sleep. I thought it over and over. As an adult I don’t see his dream as scary at all, but to him that shadow was terrifying. It was enough to wake him from his sleep and make him cry out for help. I realize he’s only 4 and I am an adult so of course he is more easily scared… some ways. Not in all ways though.

I have come to realize and have been thinking that as an adult I have fears that I never had as a child. Some of those fears might be obvious. I fear for the well being of my family and for how everything is going to work out. Will there always be enough money, will everyone stay healthy. Now don’t worry I don’t obsess over these things but they are definitely a lingering fear somewhere in my brain. But I also have fears I never expected as an adult.

When I was young I was a bit of a daredevil. I would do stupid things and never fear the consequences. Risk of pain was a challenge not a warning of danger. I would rock climb, cliff dive in to a lake, all sorts of things if given the chance and never worry that I could get hurt. That was part of the thrill. Now as an adult I fear it. I NEVER thought I would fear a physical challenge but I do.I guess it isn’t really the challenge it’s self it is the consequence.

This is something my children aren’t afraid of (at least yet). They take risks head on. They jump from heights that compared to their size are huge and don’t think twice. So who am I to say that Cam’s dream wasn’t scary. Fear like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It isn’t what they are facing but what they perceive that is the real fear.

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